My Grandmother always said, that when you look back on your life you will realize that the best days were when your children were small enough to sit on your lap.
I would agree with that. My oldest son crawled in my lap until he was about 10. One of those nights as he crawled in my lap, I asked him. “Do you think you will ever get too big for my lap.” “Nope”, he said. He was wrong.
He was born just a few weeks before my 20th birthday. A product of a teenage pregnancy. His father and I married immediately. For seven years we tried to make it work. The guilt I feel for failing at that will be with me until the day I die.
I was 19 when he was born. I had no idea you could love someone so much. I beamed with joy. He had an awesome personality the minute he was born. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, not once, did I regret having him. Unlike some teenagers or young people who have an unplanned pregnancy, I never felt I missed out. It was like, OH MY GOD, this is what I was born to do. There is nothing out there I would rather be doing.
At 18 he went away to college. He is a people person, scared of nothing, never met a stranger, an extrovert in every way. Vivacious, Loud, Loving, Kind, excels at everything. That day he left for college, he just said, “Bye Mom” I will see you later. My life for 18 years just walked out the door, happy as could be. And I fell in the floor. Devasted. I cried day and night for two weeks. He never knew. I would not dare put a damper on his moment. For me, it seemed I had a beautiful baby one day, and the next he was gone. Where did the time go?
When he finished College, he called me, saying, “Mama, your baby boy is graduated” I beamed with joy. He settled back in this town. He started seeing his high school girlfriend again. I always thought they would marry. But, tragedy struck and she died in a horrible accident. It is the only time I have ever seen him so down. I never knew pain until I knew my children’s pain.
He is now 25 and still my baby. He has dated a beautiful girl for five years now. I wondered would he ever give his heart again. He called me yesterday and said. I am looking at a diamond, what do you think? He gave her a diamond today. And again, I couldn’t be more proud.
When he was four, he gave me a plaque with a mold of his small hand on it ,that he had made in Bible school. It says: Here is my hand so tiny and small to hang somewhere upon the wall, to watch as the years go flying by, how we grow my hand and I. I reflect on that tonight and think, the years did go flying by.
Now, he is grown, and Grandmamma was right.
I still say the same prayer I did 25 years ago, Thank you God for choosing me to be the Mother of this child.
What blessings I have!!!
