I really don’t want to write tonight. I have a killer headache, or undiagnosed brain tumor that I need aspirin for. I have battled sinus infection all week and finally after suffering, broke down and got a Z-pack. I tend to put off taking medication until whatever ailment I am dealing with gets to its worse and then I will take something. Polypharmacy is a major problem today. That is why we have so many resistant bacterial strains out there.
About the statement above on brain tumors. I am not generally a hypochondriac. I do not worry too much about Cancer, illnesses, or accidents, or my demise in any way. But, I have seen so many people with the dreaded disease Cancer. Although there are predisposing factors to cancer, in my circle, it seems to be totally non discriminatory. So, even though I am still fairly young and very healthy, I never know what could happen. There is one worry that I have, and that is suffering. I have seen suffering and I never want to suffer. I am such a free spirit. I do not want to be tied down with an illness. A long-term illness would be the worse. I would hope God, knowing my heart, would spare me at least that. It is a wish and a prayer of mine. But, would he? Those are the questions I don’t understand. I watched my Mother die at the age of 61. If I said it was horrific, it would be an understatement. The only thing I can say was it was quick. But when you the person you love lungs fill with fluid and they are drowning in their own secretions, gasping for breath, and you are praying harder that you ever have, for them to just stop breathing so they will not suffer any more, you stay awake for three days and nights watching every breath hoping it is their last, those three days seem like forever. That’s is the only time in my life I can remember being mad at God. I screamed, “She does not deserve this.” She did not deserve to die like that.
Sorry, so depressing. I am a little down tonight. Hormonally unstable. I am tired from a long week. My goal is still being accomplished, to blog every night. I usually do finish my goals. I just wish I would not set so many for myself.
